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My wonderful friends!
Fine citizens from free democratic countries everywhere! I — the greatest and best-known long-lived viral advertisement of them all — I would like to wish — all of you an extremely joyous New Year! Whatta you keep looking at? Ahhh, message!.. Message.
This past year was big as it could be, very eventful. Full of all the things: happiness and misery, things found and things lost. Everyone did their own stuff — got somethin', gave away somethin'... Somebody lost a wallet, somebody found it. Someone got robbed while someone made a fortune. Some people tallied up votes, others pumped oil. All of these small, controversial heroic deeds make up the life of a great country — our beloved Homeland. Its heartbeat consists of the actions of each and every one of us, and I know in the future —we'll withstand every test the world wants to throw at us — yet again proving our right — for a special — place in — history.
In fact, we've all been working on it pretty hard already. Some too hard, really. You guys are shouting so darn much — that you've completely stopped using your heads at all. I say the words "jerk off" — and you think the only thing I'm talking about is jerking off. I talk about "prostitution" — and you think the only thing I'm referring to is actual hookers. I talk about eating one another and all you see is cannibalism. Are you really that stupid? Are you...really that stupid? Are you... really that... stupid?
But the State got exactly what I meant. Because it listened — and was frightened. And then certain governmental organizations dropped some very strong hints — as to where my place was. Well, my dear friends… thanks for shouting.
I'm not sure if I shall have the pleasure of seeing you in the New Year... but I do want to appeal to every single one of you from the bottom of my heart: Go deeper than just thinking about it — make a sincere and conscious decision... Are you ready — to journey with me — further?
And so — Happy Two-thousand-whatever... my friends!
There's no need to be scared of this bright future. No crisis will menace us ever again. The vegans and the tree huggers'll be downright giddy — nobody'll harm their beloved animals anymore! Although maybe those vegans and greenies will go into the very first batch of universal protein ration. Huh? Give it a think.
Hey. Do you like prostitutes, friend? I totally love 'em. After all it's the oldest profession on Earth. Hookers have a lot in common with politicians, journalists and actors... All of whom can either be artists or poseurs, turning cheap, dirty tricks — or answering a true calling. It's easy to say that women who, voluntarily or not, got into this craziness are weak, stupid, and spineless sluts.
All right, hot-shots, no small talk or bullshit today! Just cold reality and stark, naked truth. Don't wanna know, or friggin' scared? Door's there! Whattaya waiting for? Thanks for sharing, get the hell out! I've had it with your snobby fed-up attitude and your non-stop whining. Why ya smiling? I said get the hell out! THIS IS MY TERRITORY!
This is the new mix from Qumi-World, where strange Qumi-Qumi creatures live. One of the main methods to move around Qumi-World is to use portals!
Ooops! Uh… Close the door! Get all of the young children out of here, and put your hands where I can see them! Do it! Today I’m going to tell you about a joyful and pleasant pastime, a piece of a pocket-size happiness for anyone, a path to pure pleasure that can begin anywhere and at any time at all. And if you want to play along, there’s only one tool that you’ll need at hand. Are you intrigued? Wonderful!
So here you are. You’ve laid your fears and doubts on the bonfire for me to burn the hell out of them. Now I step out into the center of this effin coliseum with a torch and a gas can in my hands. In front of me — a crowd of naked people backing up against the walls. I’m in the middle of things, as you can see, and in fact, I AM the thing. Oh, yes.
I created myself! I’ve put it all under my control!
You get what I mean?
This is the last true-flee-story about shaman Tuk, his dog, his wife, his world, etc. We hope to find resources to make the next season one day. Thank you for being with us!
What will you do if your own house and you will be separated by a huge hole? How to return back to your wife and kid? Tuk knows what to do!